ka-BLoG!!!

‘how do you measure a year in the life? how about LOVE?’

currently listening to Seasons of Love from the hit musicale RENT. i really like the song, love it actually. my queen, Chax, introduced this song to me. actually matagal ko na xang naririnig, but it was her who really brought out the essence and made me see the baeuty of the song. tapos ayun, the song somehow became one of my life’s soundtracks. katuwa.

‘It’s time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends let’s celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.’

yeah, i miss them so much. and it makes me feel a bit bad, jst a bit, that they’re just so close to me, but can’t hold them and enjoy things like before. haha. yeah, things change, and if you can’t be happy with it and can’t change it, you just have to be happy. haha. ang gulo ko no?

yehey, new friends, new family. how i wish i could get to know you all, and be the closest buddies we could all be, kaso it’s not possible, i know… haha… i don’t wanna be a “jinjiero”, but can’t help it. ang saya-saya niyo, soyoung, so full of life, so… so… so happy. haha. sana mas makilala ko pa kayo.

i remembered one statement i said to one of them. “hindi ako mabait, approachable lang. i bet when the time comes, mas mapapalapit pa kayo sa kanila and you’ll forget about me.” ( i said it half-meant)

and true enough, i feel like i’m fading, haha. alam mo yun? haha. but let’s cut the drama. no big deal, just one of those random emotional depression,or as how we like calling it, S.S.S. ( Sudden Sadness Syndrome). haha.

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?

point? spend each minute wisely. r maybe not wisely, but happily? haha? ewan, haha. just do everything with love. yun. siguro that’s what i’m trying to say. haha. missing you guys. hope we could have those 525,000 moments again. come back and let me in. let me in and let us start. haha. seasons of love.

it’s been a long time since i last updated my blog. dami kasi dapat gawin: academics, org,social life. and there are some things i would like to share to you guys.

i’m quite sure that most of you have watched or heard about hte "saw" movies. ung morbid movie that showcase a dying man’s talents in torturing people and having them catch their last breath, literally.at first i thought the movie was inhumane, showing people being cut, diced, chopped and sliced like pork meat. that was before i watched the film. youo see, in the film, there’s this guy called jigsaw, a dying man from cancer (not quite sure with the detail, magcomment na lang kayo for corrections. ;-)). he abducts people who doesn’t make use of their lives, those who attempted suicide, those who are wasted, basta, i know you get what i mean.  after abducting them, he lets them play a game, a game that would decide if they are to live or not. this is were the gorey parts come in. you have to fight for your life. the ironic thing is, you won’t fight against jigsaw, or anyone else, but you have to fight against yourself. for full visuals just type "saw 3 opening scene" in youtube, and you’ll find out what i mean.

so what am i trying to say? life’s beautiful. it’s such a shame that we need people like jugsaw just to appreciate its worth. and it’s such a pity that we only see its beauty when it’s too late. we are given our lives, so make use of it. God is great for giving us a new day to enjoy his creations and change our ways, so lets not make a waste out of it. after all, who knows, we may be watched. don’t wait for your life’s "jigsaw" to make you see your worth.

" I know it’s a cigarette, and I’m old enough to know it’s wrong, however, it makes me happy…"

            Damn, I need help. I need to understand things. Should I take a U-Turn or should I just push the wall and just see if it is really is a dead end? Anyway, I’m still young, more to come, and more time for detours.

" When I fall in love, it would be forever…
                             Or I’ll never fall in love…"

                                                                                  With you…"
                                                               

mixed emotions, the title says it all…

one of the hardest times in your life is when you are being questioned when you yourself don’t know the answer…so, is that what’s happening to me? nah, not really…

i’ve tried to control myself and contain whatever that thing i need to "contain" to prevent things from coming worse, but you’re the one who pushed me to the limit….

sabi mo nahihirapan ka? well ever given a thought bakit ganyan ang buhay mo, same with the people around you? kasi ikaw ang gumagawa ng mga dahilan para maging ganyan yung mga bagay bagay… don’t ask me things that can be answered even by a 10 year old using his common sense… kahit sino kasi magagalit sa ginawa mo…don’t you compare me with other people na ginawan mo rin ng ganon na hindi nagalit, cause in the 1st place i’m not like them, and i’m pretty sure hindi ganon ung gnwa mo…ayoko na sana umabot sa gaito kaso you’re pushing me to my limit…i considered your sensitivity and your attitude so i calmed down as much as i could, pero have you considered my privacy? you want to help me? well, thanks a lot, cause you did… you helped me get more dose of emotional stress and high blood pressure… thanks a lot…nga pala, don’t assume, bago mo tawagin ung isang tao ng gusto mong itawag, iconfirm mo sa kanya and be sure na mutual ung feeling sa inyo okay? la lang, i’m just irritated whenever you use that term, for we both know it’s NOT…

haaaay, neweiz, i’m still happy…buti na lang anjan ung isang tao… hehehe… onion…. wahahaha…. missing you already…muah!!!

"Here i am, playing with those memories again…Just when I thought I was over you, just when I thought I could stand on my own, oh Baby, those memories come crashing through, and I just can’t go on without you…"

Here i go again…Kung sawang-sawa ka na sa mga kadramahan q, i suggest you stop reading this very moment..but if you can still take my "drama", then go continue reading…hehehe….

I thought I’ve already moved on…I stopped crying myself to sleep every night… I stopped taking my usual "stroll" every night… hindi na ko tulala at hindi na q lagi malungkot…i can laugh again and have fun…i continue doing the things i used to do…at higit sa lahat, kahit ilang beses na niyang sinabi na may bago na siya at nakikita kong masaya siya dun, hindi na ako ganun ka affected… I was wrong…

i don’t know why, pero kahit masakit, pagnakikita ko siyang masaya, sumasaya na rin ako… and every night as i pray, i don’t pray for myself, pero para sa kanya… na sana lagi siyang masaya, magtagal sila at wag siyang paiyakin nung bago niya… bakit ba naman kasi ako ganito… well, i guess City of Angels was right, " when it hurts, it’s real"… hehehe… sana lagi kang masaya… cause seeing you happy is all that matters to me… with or without me… let’s stop this non-sense drama…. d2 na lang 2… hehehe…

kung isa ka sa mga regular na bumabasa at bumibisita sa blog ko, siguro alam u na how much "drama" i put into my life…kung paano ko tinatake ang mga bagay2… hehehe, confessions of a teenage drama king… wahahahahaha…..

natatawa na lang ako everytime i read my past posts, na walang ginawa kundi magreklamo at humingi ng tulong dahil wala siyang magawa kundi humiga matapos ang pagkakadapa ( o di ba, ang drama…) hehehehe…..

now i realize, things happen for a reason… all of them… it’s up to us how we will take it…neweiz, magkwe2n2 muna ako sa mga pangyayari sa buhay2 q dis past few days, otei lang ba? heheehehehe…

well, finally, my parents allowed me to shift na (not whole heartedly, pero papayag na rin cla, hehehe…) kaso, di raw ako shiftee kundi isang transferee, kaya e2, ndami ko na namang inaasikaso… pabalik2 ako ng HSC at DLSU-D, clearance and stuff… first time q makita ang Hwang Building (tama ba spelling? sorry if not ;-p), and maganda ung building, malinis malamig at mas classy kesa CET, hehehehehe…. wala lang share ko lang…aun nga, kapagod… wehehehe….

anyways, just wanna share to you dis simple and funny, yet very inspiritional, passage qouted by Bob Ong… Here goes…

"Mangarap ka at abutin mo ito. Wag mo sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota,pilay mong tuta o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sayo ang magulang mo, pwede kang manisi at magrebelde… Tumugil ka sa pag-aaral, magdrugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili… Sa bandang huli, ikaw din ang biktima… Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili…"

Life’s a game, learn how to play it…

It’s not a race where we have to finish first, it’s a game we just have to finish and enjoy…Something we must cherish for we’ll never know when it will end…

Un lang po muna siguro!!! Just thinkin’ out loud!!!! Update u guys next time!!! Ngatz palagi and God Bless Us All!!!

" Did you ever know that you’re my hero? And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an Eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings…."

I was very happy that moment… Knowing that I’ve already proven myself that I have talent made me wanna scream and tell the whole world how happy I am… That very moment, i reached for my cellphone to inform all the people who supported me that I made it through the finals… I noticed there were a couple of messages waiting to be opened and even a few unanswered calls but i didn’t mind… after all, i won, what else could go wrong? So I sent a group text telling them the happiness i’m feeling and how i wish i could celebrate my victory with them… then after sending the message i then decided to read the unopened messages… too late…. I stood there frozen, don’t know what to think and what to say…

" Patay na po si sir, binangungot raw po…"

naranasan mo na ba yung  plinano mo na yung mga gagawin mo para sa isang tao para lang masuklian lahat ng good things na ginawa niya at ma meet mga expectations niya to somehow make him proud, and prove yourself worthy? nakakaasar kapag hindi mo siya nagawa…. as in bad trip…

naalala ko pa ung first time kong makita si sir jess nung audition ko… pinapasok ako sa PAG Music Room, i heard a few things about hm then… mahaba raw buhok, marami daw alahas at matary siya tingnan… so i expected to see a "chinito" type of guy… to my amazement, very filipino siya… nagulat pa ako kasi mejo natatakot ako kay sir kapag tinitingnan niya q dat time, at ang kapal pa ng mukha ko, humingi ako ng tubig sa audition diba… not knowing na ung kinakaharap will give an impact in my life…

well sir, salamat po sa pagpupush sa akin to do my best.. kahit di niyo po siya sinasabi sa akin, i klnow u believe in me… thanks po for bringing out the "unique and special me" inside… thanks po for trusting my talents and letting me in a circle that i know i’ll never forget, a circle taht gave a meaning to my life… salamat po sa pagtuturo sa akin hindi lamang ng mga nota, staff, second voice, blending at mga technical stuff…. salamat po sa inyo dahil kung hindi niyo po alam, tinuruan ninyo akong awitin ang isang awit, ang awit ng buhay… salamat po….

sir, di ko alam kung bajit ko panga ba to ginagawa, e di nyo na rin naman mababasa…hehehe, i know you’re just somewhere… hehehehe….. yaan niyo sir, patutunayan kong may natutunan ako senyo… hehehehehe…. mami2ss q po ung mga kwento niyo, mga pagpapatawa, it was never a dull moment with you around…pero isa pa rin ang pinakamamaiss namen… kayo…

nag-isip ako kagabi at hindi ko napigilang lumuha, sige na nga, umiyak… at muntikan pang ngumawa… hehehe, okay lang alam naman ni sir na iyakin ako eh… sabi ko, kulang ung oras… di pa ako kuntento sa mga pinagsamahan natin… tapos narealize ko, maswerte na kami na nakilala namin kayo at dumaan sa aming buhay… sir jess, Professor Jesus "Jess" Esguerra, alam ko pong masaya kayo kung nasaan man po kayo, Hallelujah!!!! hehehe, joke lang po… salamat po….

till we meet again sir, mahal ka po namin, mahal po kita….

Sir, Salamat po at Paalam….

ei, wala lang… nagun ko lang narerealize na somehow, i’m starting to love myself again… kasi naman after everything that happened db? kanusta naman un? heheehehehehe….

well, i’ll be joining a singing competition, and luckily, i made it through the first cut, and i’ll be back this coming sunday, semi’s na kasi.. i’ll be singing i believe i can fly, wish me luck!!!

ate aila!!! wala ang, tnx sa post u!!! i’ll read urs and make my comment rin… heheehehe…. well, dami q kwento sau, heheehehe… hirap magmahal pag pareho kau malandi noh? hehehehe…. well, i’m hearing something about u, nid 2 talk to u, kasi kinikilig ako!!! heheehehee…..

haaay, kaasar, i won’t be able to make it to Earth Day celebration maya2, haaaay…. well, i guess that’s life, happy naman aq eh… kasi anjan xa…. ikaw naman kasi eh… basta kahit ganito tau nagun, okay pa ako!!! muah guys, luv u all!!! next time na lang ha!!!

God Bless!!!

haay… life talaga… full of surprises… just when i thought everything’s over…. biglang may mangyayari na naman… tpos just when i thought everything’s fine, may nangyayari na naman… anyways, m hapi dahil bati na kami ulet nung taong sobrang importante saken… and okay na ulet kame… hehehehehehe…. kaso may mga pangyayaring nagbabadya na ayokong mangyari talaga…

anywayz, i’m hapi kc nababawi q na lahat ng tulog na kinailangan ko nung 2nd sem… nakakapagpahinga na rin… kaso abnormal naman ata, kasi 5 am me natutulog tapos mga 2pm me nagigigsing… i think it’s not good for me….

excited nga rin pala ko kasi m seeing my friends na matagal2 q n ring d nakikita, kasi sunod2 ang mga debut eh!!! hehehe…. m so thankful talaga kc iniinvite nila aq!!! wehehehe….

sana wag ka nang magalit saken, kilala mo na kung sino ka… at wag ka ring magalit sa kanya… please… di ko kayang mawalan ng kaibigang kaya mo… xnxa na…sori talaga, kaso basta… wag ka magalit sa kanya, at wag ka sana lumayo…

at sa’yo po, tnx po sa lahat2!!! tnx for ur care!!! mami2ss po kita!!! tnx for understanding me ha… mami2ss po talga kita!! tnx for letting me know i exist… querote!!!!

nwz, isa rin sa kakatuwang pamgyayari ay natrace q na kung saan q nakuha ang mga traits q ngaun…dadi karaysht, sau ko xa nakuha!! wehehehe… ako ang bagong anak niya na nakuha niya kung saan!!! dadi karayst, tnx po talaga sa lahat2… xnxa na kung mjo tumbling ka sa mga pangyayari sa buhay q, don’t wori mas lamang ka sakin in most aspects,anak mo lang ako, remember? kaw pa rin ang mas sanggre wehehehe…. kaw talaga, bkt nga ba q sumusunod s mga yapak mo? wehehehe…. basta, tnx po talga… haaay, dadi karayst…. buti na lang anjan ka… dadi karayst…

at ikaw, ang gulo2 mo!! pero kahit ganun, mahal na mahal pa rin kita!!! as in… lam mo na un… lam natin parehong di totoo ung isang sinabi mo… lalo pa kitang minamahal sa paglipas ng oras… haaay. MAHAL n MAHAL kita….

people, so many things to do, yet so little time to do it… people, i’m confused about a lot of things… damong pangyayari, pro don’t worry, kinakaya pa naman… i guess love comes with great happiness and happiness comes wd pain… people, m hapi again, sana magtuloy2 na xa… as in… sana talaga… till here muna… mamaya na lang ulet…i luv and hate wat i feel… bakit ganun… tnx…